Updated: Jul 6
Many of us have developed relationships with some of the most toxic people ever. Most of the time, we don't even realize the negative impact this person can have on our lives. And sometimes....wait for it.....we are the toxic person!! Geez!!! Let me explain. When you spend a large amount of time with someone, their characteristics and behavior start to eventually rub off on you. For example, if you're spending the majority of your time with a miserable individual, most likely you will become miserable. Your brain starts to adapt to their behavior.
Have you ever heard of phrases such as, "Don't kill my vibe" or "Protecting my peace at all cost?" These phrases are simply sending one powerful message; avoid negative energy! The wrong energy can actually ruin your life if you let it. It can cause unnecessary stress, which can lead to self-esteem issues, mental anguish, medical problems, etc. Is a toxic friendship really worth it? Will you continue to allow someone to kill your vibe and rob you of your sanity?
Here are 11 characteristics of a toxic friend...
1. The Non- Supportive Friend! Yeah..Yeah!! This person might act like their happy for you, but the truth is simple. This individual is either intimidated, jealous or simply refuses to fit you in their schedule. All three scenarios are toxic. You shouldn't want a friend who is jealous of your success, intimidated by it, or who refuses to make time for you. These so called "friends" display this behavior by not calling you during your success moments, discreetly criticizing your success, or not showing up to any celebratory events, EVER! This person is consistently MIA during your special moments. A non-supportive friend will not call, show up, or even give you a simple like on on social media. Wow!! Your success bothers their soul. But....let me be completely clear. This does not mean a friend has to attend every single one of your celebrations or drop everything at the moment you call. Please be able to discern. Your friends have lives too. You don't want to make the wrong assumption. For instance, once I became a mom, I wasn't able to attend every function as I had in the past. It wasn't intentional. I just had new obligations and I had to prioritize accordingly. That's called...growing up! Did I lose some friendships over this? Yes. Did some of them think I was non-supportive? Yes. Did this upset me? Yes. Did some of them probably think I was jealous? Yes. Were any of these silly assumptions fair? Heck No!! It's rough trying to juggle as a new parent, spouse, professional, home owner, etc. I know from first hand experience. Be smart and think wisely before making a judgment. This section is specifically for the friend who disappears suddenly, during the time of your special moments. It's the most disturbing cycle ever. My advice: Try talking to this friend first before making any dramatic assumptions. If that doesn't work.......cut your losses.
2. The Competitor - This is a major red flag! Friends should be super supportive and genuinely happy for each other. Competing is a huge No-No! If you get a promotion and your friend says, "well I got one too".. or you mention you're dating this really nice guy and your friends says, "well I am too." Wheew!! How immature and draining? Can I have my special moment without your self esteem issues on full display? It's awkward and exhausting. There shouldn't be a need to compete with your friends. You should want each other to win. The world is already tough, stressful. Do you want your friendships to be that way too? If not, run fast!!! Unfortunately, I've had a few experiences with "friends" like this and its definitely a waste of unnecessary energy! Move on!
3. The Passive Aggressive Friend- Most of the time we think the aggressive characteristic is the one and only toxic trait. This is far from the truth. There are many passive aggressive people who are extremely toxic. This person can come off as rude, moody and immature. This friend can possess a dark and negative aura. For instance, I socialized with someone briefly who was always moody and aloof when she didn't get her way. She also had snarky remarks over the smallest situations. It was like being friends with a toddler. It was disturbing and a waste of energy. I gradually disconnected myself from her. When confronted with their behavior, a passive aggressive friend will act as a victim, lie, or act as if everything is okay. It's a total waste of time and you will never get to the root cause of their thousands of secret issues with everyone and why should you? Next!!
4. The Victim- OMG!!! It's always something you did. The victim friend can never be held accountable for any of their actions. This friend will flip the script at any moment, and suddenly everything becomes your fault. This friendship will be toxic from the start. It gives me the chills just thinking about it. Oh.. and one more thing..... Please don't try to confront this one. This person will flip the tables completely. You will leave the argument thinking you are the problem! Run!!!
5. The One Way Communicator: This should be an easy one to figure out, but it happens to the best of us. If you look at your text thread and you see all blue (depends on your phone) or only dry replies? Red flag!!! Most likely, you aren't a priority. Don't ever force a relationship with a person who doesn't reciprocate your friendship values.
6. The Complainer: UGHHH!! If you spend hours speaking with someone who complains about, please let them know. How does it make you feel? Are you happy after the end of a conversation or drained? It's completely okay to vent, but also know when to put a lid on it. It's not okay to constantly overload someone else with your issues. I know sometimes we have that go to person when we are upset, but we can't overwhelm our friends with our issues. I know it is a tough pill to swallow, especially if you are the actual toxic person in this friendship. :-( I've had my moments too. We all do. Anyways... be honest with the person and express your feelings.
7. The "I think I'm better than everyone" friend: Drop this one!! Quickly! This person needs to come down to earth, and I mean fast. The world doesn't revolve around one person. If this friend thinks everyone is beneath them, its a good chance you are also included. This friend is usually insecure and a total mess internally. Trust me, you don't want it to rub off on you. This characteristic just has bad character written all over it. Bye Felicia!
8. The low-key "HATER" friend: Always criticizing and can NEVER give a compliment to save their lives. Listen!! If you have a friend who can never give you a compliment or say anything nice to you, but will always say something negative? Check your standards. The problem is you. Why would anyone want to spend their personal time with a friend-hater? I don't understand! I've seen so many friendships that has a hater in it. Yikes! If I notice a sprinkle of hate in someone..she or he can kiss this friendship goodbye. I don't even need to talk about it. In my personal opinion, I don't think you can reason with a jealous individual. I could be wrong, but hey... I'm not trying to figure this one out at all (There are professionals for that).
9. The LIAR: This is the friend who will lie for no apparent reason. This friend will tell lie after lie. It's frustrating and non-productive. It's probably a security issue, but who knows? It's draining calling someone out on their BS constantly. My advice: Try talking to this friend about their lying issue; if it doesn't work out, let it go. There is no need to keep a liar around. This trait has bad energy written all over it.
10. The Snake: This is the one that makes my skin crawl. If you have a friend who talks behind your back, and then smiles in your face like everything is fine?? Cut off the relationship IMMEDIATELY!! This is the ultimate red flag. This friend will tell your business after a disagreement and secretly hate you for no apparent reason. And just to be clear... You didn't do anything wrong! This person is just miserable. A snake will attempt to start small fires between you and your other friends, while smiling from ear to ear. This friend will usually attempt to connect with your enemies secretly and discredit your character. This is an extremely vicious and spiteful person.
Once you disconnect from this person, she or he will try to use any personal info that you've shared against you. This person will lie and try to sabotage your character completely. My advice: get rid of the snake before it has a chance to infect others...and if this snake has already impacted your other friendships....LET THEM ALL GO!!! Birds of a feather, flock together. You don't need shady friends who will link up and form deceitful connections behind your back. Good riddance!
11. The Opportunist: The name says it all. This friend only wants to be in with the "it" crowd. This person will drop plans with you as soon as a more opportunistic connect presents itself. Truthfully, this friend is really searching for self-worth. It's hard to be upset with this person because you start to actually feel sorry for their lack of mental stability and self-worth. Jumping from person to person, and not knowing where to fit in is probably pretty exhausting. This isn't your issue. You don't deserve to be treated like an option.
Well, that's all I have at the moment. Please remember, this list is not exhaustive. There are many more toxic traits to discuss. I hope this list has helped you reflect on your current relationships. Your peace of mind and healthy lifestyle should never be compromised by a toxic individual. And if you're the toxic individual, just stop! Don't go ruining anyone else day because you're unhappy. It's unproductive and rude. Until next time, have an awesome, productive, non-toxic day!